im not tinking right,pls help meeeeeee!hais...

im sick n tired of being myself, i noe as a christian i shldnt b tinking like dis, im like totally out of confidence, did i drop it somewhere?!ive lost what i hav in ABUNDANCE in the past,i no longer noe how to ecpress myself,i dunno how to approach pple,tok to them n keep conversations going...im so afraid of being rejected.i just wanna go hide myself,why many others hav n i dun,how i wish my family's rich again,dun hav to shoulder any more burden,every mths' salary just disappear when it comes.
i dun wanna complain,but at the same time,im exploding soon!
ive always wanted to b wif dis special u,im sorry,although i reali wanna get to u,but i cant do anyting at the moment,its nt abt u,but abt me,it reali hurts knowing u hav dis special feeling for dis special person n yet u cant do anyting abt it,i cant provide for u yet,i dun wanna see u suffering being wif me,it may b alot better if theres someone better den me.....but i promise,i'll work damn hard in the future,i'll neva let anyone down,family,frens...everyone...n u...
i dun hate anyone for being in dis state nw,i still love my parents as much,no,even more...
God,please,help me...i'll b praying hard every day,get me back to who i used to b,im sick n tired of putting a facade everyday.
my heart aches every moment,to see pple close to me suffer,i love u dad n mum,i love u everyone...
im sorry to disappoint everyone of u,but dis is wad i reali feel,i just dunno how to express myself...too difficult...too hard...i hav to gif up many tings becus of my limitations, let alone my dreams,for nowwww.......