im not tinking right,pls help meeeeeee!hais...

im sick n tired of being myself, i noe as a christian i shldnt b tinking like dis, im like totally out of confidence, did i drop it somewhere?!ive lost what i hav in ABUNDANCE in the past,i no longer noe how to ecpress myself,i dunno how to approach pple,tok to them n keep conversations going...im so afraid of being rejected.i just wanna go hide myself,why many others hav n i dun,how i wish my family's rich again,dun hav to shoulder any more burden,every mths' salary just disappear when it comes.
i dun wanna complain,but at the same time,im exploding soon!
ive always wanted to b wif dis special u,im sorry,although i reali wanna get to u,but i cant do anyting at the moment,its nt abt u,but abt me,it reali hurts knowing u hav dis special feeling for dis special person n yet u cant do anyting abt it,i cant provide for u yet,i dun wanna see u suffering being wif me,it may b alot better if theres someone better den me.....but i promise,i'll work damn hard in the future,i'll neva let anyone down,family,frens...everyone...n u...
i dun hate anyone for being in dis state nw,i still love my parents as much,no,even more...
God,please,help me...i'll b praying hard every day,get me back to who i used to b,im sick n tired of putting a facade everyday.
my heart aches every moment,to see pple close to me suffer,i love u dad n mum,i love u everyone...
im sorry to disappoint everyone of u,but dis is wad i reali feel,i just dunno how to express myself...too difficult...too hard...i hav to gif up many tings becus of my limitations, let alone my dreams,for nowwww.......

200609

woke up in the morning, uber tried can! >.< lias was like still slping =P hah! ok...had lunch together wif lias and my mum den prepared to go out den POOF! i'm out! off to church office! missed prayer meeting cuz i was like wake up late?!?!?! zzz...GG...ok split up wif lias at city hall, he went to his church and i went to mine...saw ryan(NS fren) and had a cool chat wif him, he had dis reali cool mechanic cigar, doesnt need lighter and it still produces SMOKE! wth! lol! amazing...
den when i reached church office, the prayer meeting hasnt ended, so i sat down behind started to pray in tongue a lil, den as the prayer meeting was abt to end, XueLing jie asked me to the center to pray for me, in the beginning was only for the match tml, yes...lead my team i will...den later XueLing jie went on to my spiritual life...Thanks XueLing jie...i was touched...it hit me...deep inside...Army of God...Bigger Mixer for a Bigger Congregation...Take away all the disappointment in the past years...i teared...it hit me deeeeeeeep within...yes...i'll run and chase all of u guys...i will...
den it was to the service, praise and worship, oh gosh...i felt it was a lil too loud...but i couldnt bring down the volume, i just couldnt, because the feeeeeel was just too strong! too strong! ahhh! but it was GOOD! xP and to the testimonials (today there wasnt any preaching), u guys were GREAT! there were reali GOOD testimonials. Thank God.
ok...i left church early because......i have to attend my cousin's 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTY! hah! welcome to club 21 cousin! =D ok her actual bdae is on the 22nd thou...advance...advance...party was great and...as we were abt to leave...lols...cousins were caught behind, all had to drink or rather "TAH" a few cups of bacardi + vodka + sprite...lols...i had 2, shaun had 2, kenneth had 3 to 4!!! LOL! cuis....but shiok! =D

sadded...

i seriously dun understand, but i would like to apologise to u again and again, i'm sorry. i reali dunno wad i did thou, i reali dun hav any bad intentions, i just wanted to make friends, i'm definitely not using u, and i'm not that kind of a person.
being too close...
last nite its not that i've got nth to talk to u abt, its just that i was feeling down, emo, saddd, i wasnt tinking straight.
like is DARYL reali like dat?
is D A R Y L reali like dat?
its reali heart aching for me ba...u said we're too close...den u tink of me till dis bad...u dun understand me ba...i neva even took a step to get to noe ur frens better...u needed accompaniance, i tried to acc u...thursday after dismounting from duty...i was like super shag tired...yet when u asked me to acc u...w/o hesitating i said ok all the way till nite...den i dropped dead at home...
i just hope u would forgive me ba...u dun hav to understand me...its not easy ba... =) friends forever?

190608

slping the whole day, pang seh-ed teens, SORRY! >.< den as i was preparing for lunch, WEIWEI called me out for lunch! damn! cant u b any earlier! ok den i prepared and went out to meet him. Had swensens, we had the same dishes... -.- ok...lols. i went home, lied on my bed and went zzzzzzzz...

alistair came over at nite, we slacked awhile den went for a movie at Causeway Point! Blood The Last Vampire -.- crappie show, action part was NOT BAD, but the story line was crappie, the ENDING WAS CRAPPIE! what a waste of money... -.- ok and now i'm back blogging, going to slp soon. uber tired! yawns! GD NITEYS!

my future

hmms, my future seems so uncertain, i noe God will prepare the best for me, i wanna b a audio engineer, audio technician, stage producer, event manager, IT specialist, network and security specialist, my interest, my interest! i wanna earn MONEY! LOSTSA MONEY!

As for my spiritual life wif God, for my ministry, i'm gonna put in my all, i want to in fact. just give me some time, i'll run and chase u all! to build God's sanctuary together...

first confessions

i'm not a flirt or a playboy, i just wan to socialise. i wouldve start flirting around if i wan to, but i just dun see a point. although i really wan to hav someone there for me, but i'm not ready for a relationship, i dun hav the confidence, i have many problems/restrictions/limitations of my own.

i'm giving up going around like a despo(although i've never been one), i'll just lead a normal plain life.